Confidence is definitely something i am lacking. According to the Transactional Analysis, it said that Parent, adult and child ego state are 3 main factors affecting one's confidence.
Basically, our parent is a mixture of the rules and norms which were passed to us in the early stages of development- the taught element. Our child represents how we received the messages which were going on around us and the feelings which they evoked- the felt element. Our adult is the result of the influences upon us merged with out experiences of life and the perceptions we have reasoned for ourselves- the thought element.
Tracking back, since my family members all entered relatively good schools and never had problems with academics, me ending up in normal academic and retaking my As are one of the major factors contributing to my weak self-esteem and confidence. Many said that its good that i never give up and continue trying to catch up with others. In my view point, i feel as though they are trying to make me feel better about myself. (though i dont deny there are some element of truth.) Honestly, i really really envy people who managed to get into schools that are considered "normal". I always wanted to be treated normally and mix with "normal" people in school which i never did. Me being different in school should be the reason why i NEVER really did enjoy my school life which sucks. All i hope now is the be able to get into uni..... Okay, self-pity moment is OVER... which i think its stupid yet unavoidable! (well, im sure everyone has this moment once in awhile isnt it? :D)
But i am glad that mine is not serious! hahahah! Though i might start off slow, it doesnt mean i cant improve myself right?! HAHA! here comes my beloved self-improvement books to guide me to a Better me! YES! I am optimistic! wee! I believe only you that is able to change ur environment and situations rather than waiting for changes to drop from heaven.
Talking about that, i really do not understand why people can be so absorbed by the idea that god will respond to their wishes. Wishes are thoughts swimming in ur brain . If what you want is not converted into actions, that can only be done by you (human), nth is going to change.
I believe in practicality and YES, i am realistic. I dont deny that hope and faith are good as they bring joy and optimism to life, i still think that there is always a limit. Maybe i will never understand that cause god hasnt touched me. But rather than sitting down and praying for changes, i rather do sth bout myself and make changes come to reality. BTW, i am not anti-christian, im just doubting the idea of praying to make a difference.
